Violet Hill
by x-HotMess
Summary: There we sat in snow, all the time she was silent still, so if you love me, won’t you let me know? Nate/Mitchie


Nate stamped the snow off his boots as he jogged up the fire escape to the apartment on Christmas Eve. His cheeks were shiny and pink, and his breath came out in huge, dissipating clouds. Fumbling with the window latch in his freezing hand, he wrenched the glass pane open and practically fell into the room. Standing, shutting the window and shaking the white flakes out of his curls, he stumbled out of the bedroom he just entered and into the living area.

"Snowy out?" Mitchie chuckled, crouched in front of the fire.

"Get out of the way!" Nate rushed over and gave her a playful shove to get closer to the fire, knocking her backwards.

Squealing, Mitchie reached out and grabbed him to steady herself. Unbalanced, Nate fell over with her. They toppled to the floor, him on top of her, their bodies tangled together.

Blushing at their awkward position, Nate tried to look anywhere but her deep brown eyes. He knew that once they locked on, there would be no breaking apart. He wouldn't be able to resist. So he focused on a stain in the wood right next to her head, her chocolate brown hair fanning out over it. He avoided the temptation to run his hands through it.

Unfazed, Mitchie reached up and touched Nate's chilly face with her finger. The sudden warmth burned on his cheek, and Nate gasped. His gaze flicked to her face. Their eyes met.

That was it. Nate couldn't look away now. He could stare at her transcendent face for hours on end and never grow tired of it. But with nosy friends like theirs, that seemed like an impossibility.

"Hey, Mitch, was that Nate just now?" A voice from the other bedroom called, swinging open the door. "Oh, my bad! Sorry, didn't realise you two were getting your mack on." Caitlyn grinned, emerging from her room, followed by a suspicious looking Jason.

Nate rolled off Mitchie and glared at them. "We weren't getting our _mack_ on, Caitlyn. We weren't doing anything."

"Suuure." Jason slurred sarcastically.

"Well, what about you two? What were you doing in Caitlyn's bedroom, _alone_?" Mitchie retorted, sitting up and straightening her shirt, being sure she avoided looking at Nate.

Caitlyn and Jason exchanged uneasy glances. "Um, sex?" Caitlyn shrugged.

"Yeah, sex! Absolutely nothing to do with surprise Christmas presents whatsoever. Just lots and lots of sex!" Jason followed up, nodding his head fervently.

Caitlyn smacked her forehead while Mitchie and Nate laughed. The group of friends were unbelievably excited for Christmas, and were in such high spirits that Caitlyn and Shane didn't even bother punching Jason in the arm when he made moronic comments, Mitchie didn't constantly seek her friends' approval for the songs she wrote, and Nate even turned off his cell phone.

"God, I've never seen it snow so much in one go." Jason chuckled, wandering over to the large apartment window and staring out of it in amazement.

"It's beautiful." Caitlyn murmured, coming up behind him and peering over his shoulders at the fat white specks that went as far as the eyes could see, scattering the rooftops across the vast city. You could barely see the wind-chilled people straggling through the cold street below.

Nate snuck a sidelong glance at Mitchie, and sighed softly when she refused to meet his eyes. He hated when things got awkward between them. It was usually his fault, pushing their friendship boundaries too far, doing something like brushing her arm or her hair with his fingertips. He knew things like that made her uncomfortable, but he couldn't help it. It was like she had some sort of hold over him. Whenever he felt it would be best for both of them if he just stayed away, he would always somehow gravitate back towards her.

He knew she had loved him, at one point in her life. He knew, because he had loved her back. But they never really followed their hearts. Shane had liked Mitchie too, and Nate wasn't the type of person to steal a girl from right under his best friend's nose, even if he was in love with her. Mitchie wasn't the kind of girl to put two best friends in that position.

When Mitchie had gotten a record deal and went on tour with them, she and the three boys were nigh inseparable. But she found herself continually resisting Shane's advances, and confided to Nate about her feelings, her hopes and her dreams. He did the same. She became closer to Nate than both Jason and Shane combined.

On the last day of tour, Mitchie had snuck into Nate's hotel room in some unknown city, five minutes before wake-up call. Climbing in next to him in the fluffy bed, she put her feelings on the line. She told him she loved him. He remembered that he couldn't breathe when she told him that. He kissed her softly, chastely on the lips. Once, just once. Then he told her that they could never be together.

Nate never told her why he said that. He never told her that he was too afraid of love to ever let himself get caught up in it. He never told her that he had a habit of falling for the wrong girls in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mitchie would never be happy with him. Mitchie deserved to be loved by someone who wasn't scared to love her like she was worthy of.

And of course, there was the whole 'Shane thing', but it didn't even occur to him that he could have thrown that excuse in for good measure until it was already too late.

The look in her eyes when he told her that it would never work still haunts him to this day. He wasn't surprised when she left his room in tears. It didn't come as a shock when she said she never wanted to see him again. Is it possible to see someone's heart break through their stare? If so, then Nate saw it that day. He had never hated himself so much.

But that didn't matter now. She accepted his apology, months later, when he told her that he missed the girl who knew him best, because she missed the guy who knew her best. They both would rather be in each others lives as friends than not at all. They each felt like they belonged here, with the rest of their friends, with or without the romance. That was all that mattered. And so together, they walked over to Jason and Caitlyn, wrapping their arms around them in a group hug, and stared at the snowflakes splattering against the window.

The smell of smoke suddenly broke their euphoric reverie. "Shit, Mitchie, did you take the turkey out of the oven?" Caitlyn yelped, rushing into the kitchen, and switching off the gas.

"Crap! I'm sorry, I totally forgot!" Mitchie dashed in behind Caitlyn, grabbing a tea towel as Caitlyn opened the oven door with her foot, and a cloud of black smoke poured out.

Coughing as the smoke filled the room, Caitlyn screamed at the boys to open a window and Mitchie gaped at the blackened mess that was supposed to be their Christmas dinner.

"Christ, Mitchie, your mother is a god damned CHEF, for fuck's sake! Is it so hard to remember one simple thing?" Caitlyn shrieked hysterically, fanning the smoke out of her face.

"I said I was sorry!" Mitchie yelled back, reaching in and getting out the unrecognisable turkey and dumping it in the sink.

"That was meant to be dinner!" Caitlyn sighed exasperatedly, shivering at the gust of cold air that entered the apartment and Nate and Jason had hurriedly opened every window in sight.

"Chill, Caitlyn. We'll just call Shane and ask him to pick up some pizzas on his way over." Jason moved over to her and rubbed her back soothingly.

"For _CHRISTMAS DINNER_?" Caitlyn screeched at him.

"We can have… turkey pizza?" Jason shrunk back, looking terrified of his panic-stricken friend.

Caitlyn's face went blank, and Nate and Mitchie exchanged apprehensive glances, unsure of what her reaction would be. Suddenly, a small smirk appeared on her lips as she took a step towards the still petrified Jason and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Could we have cranberry sauce with the turkey pizza?"

Jason released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding in relief, and pulled Caitlyn into a tight hug. "Anything you want." He chuckled into her hair.

Nate and Mitchie stood awkwardly watching their two friends embrace.

"So, I'll, um, call Shane then?" Mitchie walked over to the telephone and picked up the receiver, focusing intently on the buttons as she punched in the memorized number. Nate merely nodded.

"Shane? Hey, it's Mitchie! Have you left yet? Oh, good, look, we had a bit of a disaster over here, and our Christmas turkey is no more. No, I didn't blow it up! It just kinda disintegrated. Because I forgot to take it out. It is _not_ the same thing as blowing it up! Just shut up, okay? We need you to get us some turkey pizzas for our Christmas dinner. Yes, Shane, turkey pizzas! I swear to god Caitlyn will have a stroke if there is not turkey on her dinner table for Christmas Eve. Shane, you are a _celebrity_. Just have a diva moment and demand they make you one! We're counting on you, popstar. Make it happen. See you soon! Bye!" Mitchie placed the receiver back in the cradle and met the stares of the other people in the apartment. "Shane says he'll do what he can."

* * *

"Do you know how freakin' hard it is to find a pizza place still _open_ on Christmas Eve, let alone one that will make you a turkey pizza?" Shane exclaimed as he burst out of Mitchie's room holding three large pizza boxes.

"You got them? Shane, you are my hero!' Caitlyn squealed, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him repeatedly on the cheek.

"Don't let Taylor see you doing that." Jason scowled, referring to Shane's current girlfriend. Although they were all happy Shane had moved on from Mitchie, it was no secret that Shane's friends didn't approve of his choice in women, who were usually bossy gold-diggers or overzealous psychos. Sometimes both. But Nate and Mitchie raised their eyebrows at each other and smiled at Jason's obvious jealousy. It wasn't as if he was the most subtle person in the world.

"Anything to keep you from killing someone on Christmas, Caitlyn." Shane released himself and dumped the boxes on the dining table.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter, friendship, and the occasional cranberry sauce fight between Jason and Shane. Caitlyn scolded Mitchie's over-eager glances at the Christmas tree, and Nate watched his friends with his usual aloof manner. Pizza was consumed, red wine was brought out, and soon the friends were discussing old times over a glass of merlot. Embarrassing stories were shared, laughter was heard, and before long, each person was feeling quite drowsy.

By the end of the night, Shane was curled up on the sofa in front of the fire, on the phone to Taylor. Caitlyn and Jason were playing a never ending game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would get to open the first present in the morning. Never ending, because when Jason lost, he would demand a do-over. This wasn't helped by the fact the he always picked rock.

"I should get going. I'll be back in the morning to open presents." Nate mumbled suddenly, getting up and grabbing his jacket.

"You could stay, you know." Mitchie's pleading gaze bored into him from where she sat at the table. It wasn't uncommon for one, or all, of the boys to stay in the girls' apartment over night. Nate, Jason and Shane said it was because it was closer to the recording studio. Caitlyn and Mitchie knew it was because they missed them when they weren't around.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Nate muttered determinedly.

"Oh, okay then, I'll see you out." Mitchie got up and led him into her bedroom, the point of all entrances and exits into her and Caitlyn's apartment.

"I can't believe we're still using the fire escape to get in and out of here. How long as it been since your door was fixed?" Nate scoffed.

"Caitlyn and I are not fully convinced that it is fixed. The locksmith guy was really creepy, and we're positive that he kept an extra key so he could come rape us in the night. So Caitlyn got Jason to change the locks again, fabulous idea, I know, and then she loses the damn key. So not only are we permanently locked out, but even if we did find the key, we're not even sure the front door will open because Jason isn't exactly renowned for his expertise in lock changing." Mitchie rolled her eyes as she opened her bedroom window for Nate to climb out.

"Night, Mitchie. Merry Christmas." Nate hugged her awkwardly as he stuck one leg out her window.

"You're sure you can't stay, Nate? It is Christmas, after all." Mitchie cupped one of his cheeks in her hand, and kissed the other cheek softly.

"Mitchie…"

"Please?" Her eyes looked desperate now.

Nate sighed, and ran his hand down his face, as if he was wiping away invisible sweat. "C'mon, I wanna take you somewhere."

"Now?" Mitchie stepped back in surprise.

"Yeah, now. We'll come back later and I'll stay if you let me take you there now." Nate grinned mischievously.

Mitchie looked back towards the living area and their three friends, who had suddenly become very interested in the happenings in her room, and sighed. She just couldn't say no to him. "Fine. But I'm blaming you if I get sick."

"Awesome, Let's go." Nate seized her hand after she grabbed a jacket out of her closet, and she climbed out the window after him, closing it quietly behind her.

Mitchie ignored Caitlyn's obnoxious voice as she followed Nate down the icy fire escape. "Where the hell do they think they're going?" could be heard even though the shut window.

As Mitchie reached the ground, she realised she wasn't even closely prepared for the trip to wherever Nate wanted to take her. She had on thin shoes, a windproof jacket, and had forgotten to pick up her gloves and scarf. She slipped slightly on the ice, and a strong arm steadied her as it snaked around her waist. She blushed as Nate continued to walk her towards the street.

"Where _are_ we going?" She whispered, her breath creating fog in the air.

"It's a surprise. Come on, the faster we get there, the faster we can get back." Nate broke into a jog, arm still wrapped firmly around Mitchie, and gave a cheery wave up at the three goggling faces pressed against the window of the apartment that faced onto the street, yelling things at him that he couldn't hear above the wind.

"Nate, is it far away? I don't think I can last much longer out here, dressed like this." Mitchie shivered, gesturing to her insufficient attire.

"No, it's not far. I'll keep you warm." Nate slowed down, and moved his arm from her waist to around her shoulders. Mitchie felt her cheeks grow hot under the bitter wind that blew in her face.

They rounded two more corners, and Nate led Mitchie into a park that she had seen hundreds of times, but never actually walked though. Gasping at the structure looming out of the mist, she remembered why.

A huge, Gothic cathedral materialised before her eyes with every step she took towards it. Gargoyles leered down at her from their perches, although she giggled internally when she realised they weren't half as threatening covered in snow and icicles, resembling a sort of goblin-ish Santa Claus. Massive stained windows were eclipsed with ice, making the fragile, glass images of various saints look even more so. Nate quickened his pace as they moved around the path surrounding it, and Mitchie only realised they had entered a cemetery once she tore her eyes away from the ominous sacred building. She opened her mouth to object, but Nate cut her off before she had even taken a breath.

"It's just through here, up those steps." Nate pointed towards the icy stairs in front of them, barely perceptible through the snow. Not breaking his pace, he looked austerely at the lumps of stone sticking out of the ground that surrounded them.

"You know, I've always wondered what I would have written on my gravestone."

"Why the hell would you wonder about something like that?" Mitchie scorned.

"Because! It needs to be special. It needs to reflect the kind of person that I was when I was alive. So the ones who loved me won't forget. "

Mitchie looked at him with pain written across her face. "Don't talk about death, Nate. It's Christmas, for God's sake."

"So? Millions of people around the world die each day, Mitch. That doesn't change just because it's Christmas." Nate spat, glaring at the ground in front of him.

Mitchie grew silent, and didn't speak again until they had bounded up the frozen steps and climbed up the tiny, icy knoll just beyond the stairs.

"Here we are. Mitchie, this is Violet Hill. I love this place. It's so beautiful in summer, but in winter, God, it's just amazing. All you can see is white. But from here, you don't mind." Nate sighed, turning in a full circle, then glancing at Mitchie for her reaction.

Mitchie merely nodded and crouched on the ground, rocking backwards on her haunches and sitting lightly in the snow. Confused, but compliant, Nate sunk down next to her, wrapping his arms around his knees. He stared out into the colourless void for a few more moments, before turning to her.

"Mitchie? Say something?"

"Do you love me, Nate?"

Nate's jaw dropped. "What?"

"How many fucking hints do have to drop, Nathaniel? _DO YOU LOVE ME_?" Mitchie was refusing to look at him, but she got stiffly to her feet.

Nate was speechless. How could he tell her that he loved her, when he was so sure that she would never love him? He didn't want to break her heart again. He stood to face her.

Mitchie squeezed her eyes tightly, and a small tear trickled out from under her eyelid, crystallizing on her frosty face. "I just need you to let me know, Nate."

"Yeah, Mitchie. Yeah, I do. I love you."

"Then why did tell me you didn't?" Mitchie sobbed out through her rapidly freezing tears, covering her mouth with both her hands to suppress the urge to scream.

Nate reached up gently and loosened his scarf, then looped it around Mitchie's neck. He could feel her body heat radiating from her as he leaned in and crisscrossed it around the back of her neck. Straightening it, he tugged on the ends, forcing her to take a step closer. Mitchie wrapped her chilly hands around his gloved ones, still gripping the scarf, and raised her chin, staring into his eyes.

"That was years ago, Mitch. And I never said I didn't. I just said we couldn't be together. I couldn't be with you. I… I can't." Nate whispered.

"Why not? Why, why, why? You bastard, just tell me why!" Mitchie screamed, hitting at his chest with each 'why'.

"Because I'm not good enough for you! How the hell do you think it feels to stand back and watch the one person who deserves to be loved most in the world pass you by, because you know that you'll never be able to love them as much as someone else?" Nate grabbed her flailing hands and looked into her eyes desperately.

"But you just said you loved me! That's all I want! Just you and your love, that's all! I don't care what you think I deserve, I don't care! I just want you!"

"Don't, Mitchie! I can't love you because I don't know how to love, okay? I'm screwed up! Maybe I was never hugged enough as a child, or whatever, I don't know!"

"Nate, honey, you do know how to love." Mitchie grabbed him by the chin, squishing his cheeks together. "You love Shane and Caitlyn and Jason, right?"

"I guess."

"And you love me?"

"Undoubtedly."

"Well then, there you go. Congratulations, Nathaniel Brown, you know how to love." Mitchie grinned.

"But it will never be enough."

"Will you stop saying that? Of course it will be enough!"

"No, Mitchie! You say that now, but you won't in the future. Why can't you just leave me alone? Jump this ship before it sinks!" Nate pushed away from her.

"Why, have you hit an iceberg?" Mitchie smirked.

"This isn't funny!"

"Yeah, it is. You need to loosen up, Nate. You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough! Why can't you just understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Maybe I don't want to understand. Maybe I was hugged too _much_ as a kid. Or maybe you just don't understand."

"What's not to understand? You are good. I am not good. Ergo, when you get lumped with me, you become tainted. I will damage you." Nate kicked at a clump of snow angrily.

"That's not so bad." Mitchie shrugged. Nate opened his mouth to argue, but Mitchie covered it with her wintry hand.

"Nate. There is one thing you need to know. And that is that _I love you_. And I don't care how many sob stories about how you're not _good_ enough, and how I deserve more and you want me to be _happy_ you bull shit your way through, I'm not leaving you. You love me. I love you. What is so fucking hard to comprehend here?"

"You shouldn't love me. It doesn't make sense." Nate hissed, narrowing his eyes and pushing his face as close to hers as he could. He hoped the outcome would be intimidating, that it would scare her off. But in fact it had the opposite effect.

"But I do love you. It makes perfect sense to me." Mitchie grabbed his collar and yanked him towards her, kissing his wind-burnt lips.

Nate struggled, but the contrast of Mitchie's fiery mouth in comparison to the rest of their surroundings was exhilarating, dizzying, intoxicating. He couldn't stop even if he wanted to. Slowly, he began to respond, slipping his hands inside her jacket and grabbing her waist, pulling her in closer. She slid her cold hands under his shirt and rested them on his warm stomach. Squealing, Nate jumped back a few feet. Mitchie giggled and stepped towards him again, taking his face in her hands.

"So you really do love me? After everything I've put you though before?" Nate mumbled, looking into her eyes, hoping to find a lie beneath them. Something, anything that would give him an excuse to run away and stop himself from loving her. But there was nothing that he saw that didn't reflect the utmost affection for him.

"I really do. Don't ever let me go again." Mitchie smiled at him, pulling his face towards her and initiating another kiss, warmly divergent to their frigid surroundings.

Nate never would. He couldn't if he tried.

* * *

_Once again, what was meant to be a short drabble piece has turned into some gargantuan story. My apologies, everyone.  
__Yes, I have hopped on the Nitchie bandwagon! Smitchie is a thing of the past, people! I also threw in some shameless Jaitlyn plugs for good measure XD  
__Based off the song Violet Hill by Coldplay btw. _

_Like it? Loathe it? Want to kiss/sucker-punch me? Review!_


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